I used to be frighteningly under confident in social situations.
And although people who know me now would never believe I
used to doubt myself so much I literally had to learn confidence
until it became a natural part of me. I can tell you relaxed
optimistic confidence is just, well so much more fun.
Here I'll tell you about the things that made the most difference
to my confidence levels..
Some people have naturally high levels of confidence but
everybody can learn to be more confident
Firstly, it's important to get a clear idea of what self
confidence really means, otherwise you won't know when you've
got it! So, self confidence means:
1) Being calm.
For every situation in life you need to run on the appropriate
level of emotion. Too much emotional 'leakage' into a experience
can spoil the experience. You make great strides towards confidence
when you begin to relax in a greater range of situations.
2) Being cool.
The second part of self confidence is about being able to relax
with uncertainty. To be 'cool' in a situation really means relaxing
with not knowing how things will pan out. If you truly tolerate
uncertainty, you can do pretty much anything.
3) Not being too concerned with what others think of you.
You know when you imagine what some place is going to be like
before you go there but when you get there it is totally different
to your imagination? That's how reliable your imagination is!
Stop trusting your imagination so much. I've long since stopped
bothering to imagine what others think of me because so often
I've turned out to be wrong.
4) Being specific - where do you want confidence?
'Confidence' is meaningless until you tie it to something specific.
You are already confident that you can read these words or can
switch a light on and off. So you don't need more confidence
everywhere. To get what you want in life you have to establish
exactly what you do want. Where do you want confidence in your
life? Think about the specific situations now and write them
down. You beginning to steer your brain towards confidence.
5) Understanding that what you expect is what you get.
Your brain is an organ that needs clear goals to work towards.
When a task has been set in your brain it will do everything
it can do to bring about the completion of that task. If you've
tried to recall someone's name but can't, hours later you'll
often find their name pops into your head.
The 'trying to recall' experience set the task or blueprint
for your brain's future subconscious behaviour which eventually
produced the name for you - when you weren't thinking about
it consciously. You can use this natural mechanism to start
feeling more confident. But, to ensure you set the right task
for your subconscious mind, the next point is vital.
6) Don't task your mind with negatives.
Instead of: 'I don't want to screw up' (which sets the task
of 'screwing up' for your brain), set the blueprint for what
you do want! Your brain doesn't work towards what to do by being
told what not to do. And nature has given you a wonderful natural
tool to set the right task blueprints with.
7) Use nature's goal-setter:
Now you understand how vital it is to set the right task for
you brain, you need to know how to do this reliably. Good hypnosis
will strongly 'program' the right blueprint in your mind through
the use of your imagination. If you powerfully imagine feeling
confident and relaxed while in a relaxed hypnotic state it will
be hard for your unconscious mind to do anything else. The blueprint
for relaxation has been set firmly into your subconscious mind.
3 simple strategies to get you feeling confident quickly:
1) Think specifically of the time/place/situation
you want to feel confident in. Remember 'confidence' doesn't
mean anything until you attach it to something specific.
2) Focus on words in your mind right now that describe
how you do want to be in that time and place. Maybe words
such as 'calm', 'relaxed' or 'focused'. Remember your brain
works on clear positive instructions.
3) Close your eyes for as long as you like and think
about how those words feel. Then, imagine the situation itself
and rehearse it in your mind feeling confident and relaxed.
This way you set the right blueprint or 'task' for your unconscious
mind.
You can repeat this often to make it more effective and use
it with as many areas of your life as you need to. If you
listen to a hypnotic cd or download that can make the benefits
even more powerful (see my profile below). So if you feel
like you'd be blessed with less confidence than some other
people you can start redressing the balance by using your
mind in the right way right now.
It took me years to learn how to be more confident - now
you can do it in a fraction of the time. Good luck!
